PREORDERED AND PWNED

Yo, Pok Gai Gamers-strap in. It’s time to talk about preorders: the oldest scam in gaming, and why you absolute muppets keep falling for it. You’d think after Cyberpunk 2077, Fallout 76, and No Man’s Sky, you’d learn. But nah, every time a shiny new trailer drops, you’re first in line with your wallet out and your dignity in the trash.

Preorders: From Scarcity to Pure Marketing BS

Back in the day, preorders made sense. You wanted that rare Atlus RPG or a physical copy of a hot new game? You had to preorder, or you’d be left crying while scalpers laughed. But now, digital stores have infinite copies-there’s no reason to preorder except you’re a sucker for “exclusive” skins and day-one DLC

AAA publishers caught on fast. They started dangling “exclusive” content, collector’s junk, and fake hype at E3 to lock in your cash before you even know if the game works. By the 2010s, preorders weren’t about getting a copy-they were about you getting baited

Why You Keep Preordering (You Know You’re Weak)

Let’s break it down:

• You’re scared of missing out (FOMO is your god, and “exclusive” skins are your religion)

• You want to flex on your friends with your “Day One” badge and ugly preorder armor nobody cares about.

• You’re loyal to franchises that have burned you more times than your ex-35% of you admit this, according to actual stats

• Streamers and influencers hype you up, and you’re too brainless to resist the hype train

Publishers know you’ll do it again next year, even after you whined about Cyberpunk 2077 or No Man’s Sky. They drop a new trailer, and you’re back in line, wallet open, dignity gone

What Do You Get? (Mostly Regret)

Sure, preorders give you some perks:

• Early access so you can beta test their broken game for free.

• “Exclusive” skins that end up in the shop six months later.

• A collector’s edition full of plastic junk and a steelbook you’ll never use.

But you also get:

• Buggy launches that make you question your life choices (hello, Cyberpunk 2077, Fallout 76, No Man’s Sky)

• Buyer’s remorse when the game tanks and goes on sale for half price a month later

• The privilege of being a QA tester for a billion-dollar company, unpaid, while they laugh all the way to the bank.

AAA Publishers: The Real Pok Gais

These companies love preorders because it’s free money up front. They get to brag to investors about “record sales” before anyone’s played a single level. If the game sucks? Too bad, they already got your cash. And if you complain? They’ll just patch it later (maybe), or send their PR team to beg for mercy in Steam reviews

Why the Industry Keeps Pushing Preorders

Preorders let publishers judge demand, plan production, and-most importantly-secure revenue before launch. It’s all about front-loading sales, hyping up stockholders, and minimizing risk if the game bombs. High preorder numbers look great in investor reports, even if the game ends up a disaster

Case Studies: You Never Learn

• Cyberpunk 2077: 8 million preorders, 13.7 million sales in 21 days, and a launch so buggy Sony had to pull it from the PlayStation Store. 30,000 refunds, and you still lined up for it

• No Man’s Sky: Massive hype, missing features, angry fans. Only after years of patches did it claw back goodwill

• Starfield: Record launch, mixed reviews, and Bethesda’s support team begging on Steam for patience. Same cycle, different year

Indie Games: At Least They’re Honest

Indies don’t bother with this preorder nonsense. They use crowdfunding or early access and actually talk to their community. When they screw up, at least you know they’re broke, not evil. AAA publishers? They’re just here to milk you dry, and you keep letting them

Pok Gai’s Final Word: Stop Preordering, You Clowns

You want to stop getting burned? Here’s a wild idea: WAIT. Don’t preorder. Let the hype die. Watch some real reviews. But you won’t, will you? You’ll keep preordering, keep crying, and keep giving these corpos your cash for broken games and useless cosmetics.

But hey, at least you got that exclusive skin, right?

Now get back in the queue for the next “Game of the Year” preorder. Some of you never learn.

Pok Gai out. See you in the patch notes, losers.